Nerd Licenses

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Goals

This is not some weird non-consensual Gestalt therapy trap
Take a hard look at what worked and did not work
Encourage discussion between kinky parents about parenting
Provide you food for thought

Disclaimers

• I am not a lawyer
• I am not a developmental psychologist
• I am not a social worker
• I use a lot of classic art in this; don't read too much into it
• Leaving a lot of important people and events out due to time. This is not intended as a slight

Ground Rules

This is an intensely personal topic, feel free to ask whatever questions you want but understand I may choose not to answer at all or in public If I leave someone's name out of this presentation or use a pseudonym that choice was intentional Do not internet detective any of these people

Mom

Alive and kicking, now retired From a different part of the alt-sex world Happily remarried as of 2002 We have a great relationship and see each other once or twice per month She's not a focus of discussion for this talk

Dad

Harvey John "Jack" McGeorge II, (9/29/1949 - 8/18/2009) USMC (EOD), Secret Service, United Nations (UNMOVIC) Cofounder of Black Rose, officier of Leather Leadership Conference, NCSF Leather Archives and Museum Centurion award, Pantheon of Leather Man of the Year His Wikipedia link Fun fact: entered the scene as a submissive, died indentifying as a master

Me

Alex McGeorge Early 30s Generally turned out ok Professional CV: LinkedIn Kink CV: FetLife - TexArcana

Black Rose

DC based BDSM Educational and Social organization: website Organization Dad help to found in 1987, still around today! Held almost every board and officer position Was active with the organization through the year of his death

The Particulars

Met in summer of 1978 through a mutual friend Started long distance relationship NJ/VA, moved in together Nov/78 Married January 1981 I was born in 1982

The Divorce

Complex set of reasons: business, differing sexualities Separated in summer of 1988 Formally divorced Feb/1990 Mother retained primary custody, alternating weekends, weekly dinner with Dad

Things that were good

• Recognition of alt lifestyle choices going forward
• Commitment to work as a team
• Open discussion about raising me

Things that were not good

• Divorce almost always sucks
• Nothing specifically relevant to this talk

Inspiration

Dad was doing WHAT in the garage? So much nudism 'Age appropriate' is hard to nail down

The Dungeon

What once was just a basement A bit of DC leather/kink history The dresser drawer accord

Multiple Partners

Late elementary / early middle school era Lolita / Woody / Andrea See section 11 for bios

The good stuff

• I've never been ashamed of my sexuality
• Introduced to LGBTQIA issues from a very young age
• Introduced to the idea of alternative relationship dynamics early

The less good stuff

• More detailed answers to questions than perhaps was required
• Started introducing some very adult consequences

The Talk

To Grandma's house we go

Let's talk about consent! Began by building a case for free will A lighthearted romp through the nervous system and biology Strong foundation in Libertarianism

What are the facts

• What do you think, why do you think it
• "We will sit in this car until we're done talking"

What worked

• Consent was a concept introduced early and reinforced often
• Lots of the corner cases for where consent gets murky were common topics
• Learned some lessons about YKINMKBYKIO really early

What Didn't

• This is a complex topic for anyone, especially a early teenager
• Some of these topics were really dancing on the edge

NRE with the Scene

Some people who have struggled with their interest in BDSM fall rapidly in love with the scene They are so happy to have found a place that finally accepts this part of who they are they tend to obsess on it Similar to: SCA/RenFest, Cosplay

Things Get Weird

It became normal to talk a lot about his sex life Very few good things have ever come about by saying a teenager is "super mature" for their age when it comes to sexuality Chicago Hellfire story

Too many secrets

Generally it's understood that asking kids to keep secrets is bad Kids need other kids to talk about life with

What worked

• The world has always kind of been a big strange place
• Being "that guy" who knew a lot about sex wasn't all bad

What didn't

• Holding on to a lot of secrets about your parent's sex life is super shitty
• A story about a polite but firm rebuke
• Some things about the scene I have to revisit and think through as an adult

A Common Behavior

A story about a kinky family BBQ Howlin' forever It's common to view kids as tiny-adults

A First Brush with Death

Good slaves bring resources to a problem, we had an abudance of good slaves waiting at my Dad's house Masters are for more than just providing direction Every conceivable type of support was provided

Community

Connecting with scene people as an adult has been incredibly rewarding Of the 10 most important people in my life, most are involved in BDSM

What worked

• There are a lot of truly good people in the scene
• Having a group of empathetic and task oriented people is beyond useful

What didn't

• There are boundary and intimacy issues interpreting kids behavior through the lense of BDSM

The Particulars

Started down the MS path in early 2000s with Slave S. Original ODS members: Jack, Woody, Justin, Elizabeth, Raven 1/4 of the basement was converted into living quarters Some lived at the house, others not, all had jobs outside the house

Involved but Apart

If BDSM impacts your life more than in your bedroom it will have an inescapable effect on those close to you It is an odd feeling to be so affected by something you are not a part of yet you are very intimate with A story: Please don't call me Sir

On Death

A story: Harry Truman euphamisms Good slaves bring a lot of resources to a problem There are some unique needs for people in that lifestyle

What worked

• The M/s community as a whole was incredibly supportive after his death
• The slaves he had were all incredibly intelligent and thoughtful people

What didn't

• Some of the practices expressed in the handbook were very hard for me to deal with
• Those relationships required a lot of care and feeding from a depleted resource pool

Educating your kids about sex is great!

You want things to be better for your kids and you know more than the average human about sex It's totally great to share your knowledge, but be sure you understand the question they're asking And most importantly how much of an answer they're looking for

What's Normal Anyway?

Everyone in this room likely identifies as 'weird' You could come up with a list of things right now that would be 'wrong' to talk to your kids about What is and is not appropriate within your relationship?

NRE is a Powerful Force

• That energy and excitement drives a lot of the best parts of this community
• Guy Baldwin once told me:

Anything that is truly powerful can create in exactly equal proportion to which it can destroy.

• Very easy to move the goal posts of normal without noticing

Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar

It's very easy to interpret your child's behavior through the lense of BDSM It's also super easy to interpret the world around you that way Don't get lost in the woods of the scene

Lolita

Legend of the NYC leather scene

Andrea

Joined the house fresh out of college Worked with special needs children, is now a medical professional Once tested the limits of the Marlyand Renaissance Faire by wearing just a burlap sack

Elizabeth "Lisa"/"Woody" Furniss

10/13/1962 - 9/4/2014 Joined the house in her early 30s BFA from SUNY Buffalo State Founding or early member of many Baltimore and DC leather organizations

Slave Justin

Ivy league education, holds Doctorate of Divinity, working on Ph.D Happily married as of 2015 and living on the west coast with his husband Henry

Slave Elizabeth

(Not actually Elizabeth)

Educated at one of the Seven Sisters One daughter who is a good friend Negotiations began: March/2003 Under formal consideration as a slave: May/2003 Collared: Nov/2003

Slave Raven

Background in Law Enforcement Currently working in Vetrinary Medicine Very active in the M/s world